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God,
I can't find the words.
I don't know where to start.
How do you encompass a year of pain and sorrow,
fear and anger,
hope turned sour?
How do you begin to condense
the multitude of prayers
each shard of our broken hearts
each fearful tremble
each cautious hope?
Cursor blinking
words build behind a dam
unreachable.
Three days
Three more friends testing positive.
Relentless.
Words fail me.
How do I pray
when all I can do is *gestures broadly*?
Words are my lifeline,
my coping mechanism,
my way of making sense of the world
of myself
of the *gestures broadly*.
When the words don't come
I am lost.
Echo myself to myself
God knows.
God knows without words.
Cursor still blinks.
Words still needed.
Guideposts for a community.
But then,
then,
there is,
must be,
room for silence.
God,
create a crack in the dam
let words, good words
adequate words
flow gently out.
May they be a balm
for weary souls.
May they speak
gently, honestly,
authentically.
God,
help me find the words.
Amen.
December 14, 2020